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| Spring is springing! |
In recent days, I have been reminded, bluntly, that I am indeed disabled. This message came not in any dramatic way, but in the humblest of ways: my feet.
Seriously. My feet.
Back at the end of 2022, as I finished up several sessions with my podiatrist, he said words to the effect of "you don't need to see me again unless things change." I had shoes with far better support, my walking was back on track, and life was good. Even after the medical upheavals on 2023 and early 2024 (the hospitalization for acute pancreatitis, the broken wrist, the gallbladder removal, to name a few), I built my life back up, including walking. With the increasingly positive reviews coming out of Mayo, I was on a roll.
Until I wasn't.
I always have some pain/neuropathy issues with my feet. Specifically, my left foot. And while the neuropathy has abated the longer I go without treatment (20 months, but who's counting? Oh, I am...), there has always been some small pain issues in the toes (hammer toes, to name one), but nothing major. I knew from my past podiatry history that, like my beloved Aunt Ginger, the metatarsals were spreading apart as I aged, making that foot more prone to arthritis.
"Genetics," said the podiatrist back then. I could live with that.
But earlier this year, I started to be aware of pain—different pain—in my right foot. Not in the same place as on the left, and not what I had been aware of before. It interrupted my sleep and, worse, it started interfering with my walking. I knew I should call my podiatrist but didn't get to it until two weeks ago, when the pain became so severe mid-walk that I came to a complete stop, tried to breathe through it, thought of calling Warren to pick me up, then finished the walk, limping. (So why didn't I call Warren? Because I was two blocks away from home and was EMBARRASSED to!) So a call to the podiatrist, an appointment last Tuesday, and, well, here we are.
Nothing horrible mind you, but definitely not a minor "don't worry about it" either.
The short version is BOTH of my feet are currently wrapped and taped. I am taking ibuprofen, not for the pain, but for the inflammation, which is considerable. (It even shoved the arthritis to the side both in the discussion and on the x-rays.) What I thought was a callous on my right sole was bursitis pushing out through my foot. (Who knew?) I soak the wraps off at home this Tuesday and go back to see him the following week for more follow-up. There will likely be a custom support for the right foot in the near future and probably a new pair of my regular shoes with different supports (I wear Hokas, which are not cheap).
Oh, and NO WALKING until I see him on the 28th. And then we will see.
NO WALKING.
Oh, I can walk "a little," as in around the house or to the car and into a building. Short, necessary bits of walking. But NO WALKING as in "get out the door and go walk to clear my mind" walking.
Back in 2014, I wrote about seeing the movie Walking the Camino: Six Ways to Santiago and the powerful impact it had on me. Last night I caught a story on CBS about walking the Camino in the 21st century. I watched it by myself first and then Warren and I watched it together. When we finished, I turned to him and told him I was a bit sad seeing it. My answer surprised Warren. Why was I sad? Because it reminded me of how, grateful beyond grateful though I am to still be here a decade later, I still will never walk the Camino and that loss will always be in me.
A few weeks after seeing the movie in 2014, I blogged about the act of pilgrimage in and of itself, independent of the Camino. I went back and reread that one in finishing today's post. For me (me, not anyone else; I don't pretend to know what motivates others), my life has to have a strong element of pilgrimage to be meaningful. It is tied up with my commitment to tikkun olam and to strengthening this community.
And I can do that even while sidelined from walking.
But I really, really want the walking back. Stay tuned.
10 comments:
I hope the treatment gets you back to walking for pleasure. I can't imagine the pain- so sorry.
Sam, Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi" is my earworm right now: "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone." She was talking about destroying the environment, but the flip is true on the pain front. The temporary taping took away a TON of pain and it made me realize just how much I was putting up with!
I am so sorry you are down. Bursitis is awful and often untreatable. Can you get cortisone shots? I have had them in my feet and they really work well.
Kim, when I go back at the end of the month, we will be talking options. Because of the weird location, who knows about cortisone shots? Trust me, on my list though to ask! Like I said to Sam above, I did not realize how much pain I was putting up with until it lifted!
I wish you all the best. Beautiful photo.
Linda, thank you for your words on the photo! I love photography and too often set it aside, thinking, "Oh, I'll get back to this soon."
I'm right there with you sister. Walking has been a huge part of my life after my diagnosis. I even did the Just Keep walking Challenge ( I created for myself) wher I walked EVERY SINGLE DAY for 5 years. Unfortunately, at the end I was hobbling becasue I had a fracture on top of my foot. Fast forward, the knees are a problem therefore walking is a problem. It's so hard NOT to. I feel for you but really follow the doctors orders and things will improve. I get to finally get my MRI Saturday to actually see what happedned in my right knee. It's certainly suspicious. All said, I even was doing strenght training and walking almost every day so who knows? It's depressing.
Chris, I am waiting for my follow-up next Monday Trust me, I have a whole series of questions about where I am, what the road forward might look like, what the timetable on that road might look like: you totally get it! So hard NOT to just say "Okay, I'm WALKING around the block no matter what he said." But I know better and you confirmed it: wait.
I somehow missed this post, and am sorry to hear about the bursitis. Just in case it's helpful, a few things Medical Medium recommends for bursitis are milk thistle, burdock root and meadowsweet supplements, and eating chives. I hope you'll soon be up to walking again. It's so helpful on many levels.
Laurie, the bursitis has now become the least of the issues as it has subsided greatly. (Thank you for your comments about Medical Medium; tucking that knowledge away.) The greater challenge besides just aging and having walked A LOT is the bone structure in each foot, which are not symmetrical (which is atypical...of course it is! Why would my feet follow the norm?) and so pose greater questions as to how to move forward, no pun intended. I have been given the green light to do light walking...and am almost hesitant to try it! Stay tuned!
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