Cultural Identity

Orlando arrived by scheduled C-section, so plans were made ahead of time for Ramona to be at the hospital for part of that day. Papa (Alise's dad, Joe) picked her up from school early last Friday (has it only been since last Friday?), and then he and Nana (Alise's mom Mona) helped her pass the time until she could see her mom and meet her brother.

While waiting, Ramona made the above picture of her family. Ben is easily identifiable on the far left, complete with beard. While sizes are all relative, I'm guessing Alise is next (albeit blond) and Ramona on the far right as the smaller figure. New addition Orlando is in between the two females.

What I especially love about this drawing is that Ramona put Orlando in a cradleboard. This is my Native American grandchild being raised with immersion in her culture. So of course her little brother is in a cradleboard.

That is how my brilliant, assertive, secure-in-who-she-is granddaughter makes sense of her world at age six.

These are difficult times for those of us who are not dominant culture because of race, ethnicity, tribe, gender identity, sexual preference, religion, economic status, language of origin, and so on. Last night our community's newly formed African-American Heritage Council put on a first ever Black History Month Celebration, which Warren and I attended. Students volunteered their talents—oratory and artistic—and many of them made thoughtful and provocative observations about being black in a predominantly white community.

I listened closely and at times got teary. Ramona and Orlando and my far-flung family were foremost in my thoughts. What would Ramona's education and sense of tribal identity look like if she were here in this town in our schools? Not as good as I would want, and that is written by someone who believes in our local schools. And in America at present? Not even that good.

Even in the best of times in this country, we as a nation have a long ways to go to being truly inclusive, whether we are talking about school youth or adult policy makers or just everyday folk. Last night was the right step forward for Delaware.

And way out in Washington last Friday, sitting in a hospital waiting room, a little girl drew her beautiful family, complete with her little brother in his cradleboard.

Ramona, you are amazing.

Look Who's Here!

Back in October, I announced that Ramona was getting a baby brother sometime in the early months of this year.

Orlando James Sanchez entered this world yesterday in the early afternoon. 6 pounds, 3 ounces. When Ben's text came through, I started crying with relief and joy and love.

Alise and Orlando are doing well. Ben and Ramona are doing well. All of us, out there and back here, are doing well.

Lots of pictures are flooding the social media venues, but this one is the one that absolutely melted me:

New Big Sister. New Baby Brother.

So Much Warmth

Socks, socks, socks! 

We had our close friends, Margo and Gerald, over for supper last night. Gerald stepped into our house and exclaimed "It smells great in here!"

It did smell great. Not because we were preparing an elaborate gourmet meal (we weren't), but because the aromas of the day, ranging from apple pie to caramelized onions, had filled the hall and rooms.

Not only did the house smell great, but it was warm. We are just coming out of the polar vortex that hit this part of the country. Warmth is a big deal.

The whole evening was full of warmth: good, simple food, lots of conversation, dear friends, a cherished longtime friendship. After we said our goodbyes and stood at the door waving as Gerald and Margo drove away, I turned to Warren and said "This was a wonderful evening. I really needed that."

It has been a rough end to January and start to February. The brutal Mayo trip was followed by Warren being away at a conference for four days, immediately followed by my getting spectacularly ill for 36 hours, and topped off with the vicious polar vortex, followed by about five inches of snow. (The silver lining to the weather was that the schools all shut down for three consecutive days, so while I have a number of attendance mediations to reschedule, I did not miss a single one because of being ill. The other silver lining is that my sickness coincided with the vortex days, so I did not have to venture into that freezer.) There were other family matters, other health matters, other, just, things going on, all of which took time and energy and love and concentration, that piled on top of the week as well.

But there was so much warmth, despite the temperatures, despite being violently ill, despite the other things.

There was Maura next door, slipping a container of baked goods in our front door to cheer the invalid. There was Kim of Out My Window offering to take in the too large skirt I mentioned in my last post. There was longtime friend Ellen of Within My Means, who, in response to my blog about my antique socks, sent me a box full of new ones. (How I laughed when I opened that box!) There was an email from a colleague thanking me for assisting in a complicated court matter, so heartfelt that I could not share with Warren without my voice breaking and tears running down my face.

So much warmth.

Without my trying to, I seem to be spending my days more deliberately, more intentionally. I continue to slip out to the back deck to greet the day (well, not the day I was so sick, but I did the following day when I was on the mend and it was still a stunning -10 or so outside). I find myself focusing more on what I am feeling, writing, eating, hearing (right now, marimba music from Warren's study down the hall as he listens to a performer on YouTube), reading, saying, than I used to, than even just a few months ago. I sense it is my growing awareness of time running out that compels me to take a deep breath and savor the moment. Ram Dass (Ram Dass? Hey, I just finished reading Walking Each Other Home, okay?) and others remind me to stay in the moment, because the moment is all I have. I want, no, need to remain open to the coming conclusion of my life so that I can move into and through that final landscape with a heart full of love.

And so much warmth.

January Money Review

So here we are, one month into 2019, and I am feeling my way around money issues with a little more attention and thought this year. I'll still post about our monthly grocery bill, as well as our eating out costs. But I may also be commenting more about our money and where it goes, and about getting older and retirement. Warren turns 65 this April (I am two years behind him), and while he has no immediate plans of retiring from the Symphony, his and our financial futures are certainly on our minds and in our conversations more and more.

So the numbers first. What did January 2019 look like?

On the grocery front, we spent $153.63 on food items. Some of that was end-of-the-month replenishment of staples we'd made dents in: oats, different flours, things like that. We ate a lot (A LOT) out of our pantry and freezer this month, and I am pleased that there are still lots of meals in them, especially the freezer. On households items, which I categorize as cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and the like, we spent a whopping $7.68. I am thrilled beyond thrilled to note that $1.22 (counting tax) of that was spent on laundry detergent bought at CVS, of all places, because with my combined ExtraBucks Reward (which I earn as I fill prescriptions) and a 50% off coupon, it made the detergent come out to a cool .0122 per fluid ounce, which beats even Aldi's prices.

Grand total for January? $161.31.

Eating out was stunningly low on one hand and high (well, my high) on the other. Locally, we (I) spent a total of $4.20, from three coffee dates. However, as I indicated when I summed up December and looked ahead to 2019, we had a hard and fast trip to Mayo (more about that shortly) and spent  a total of $42.93 on three meals and one McDonald's mocha so I could stay awake while I drove. So the eating out came to $47.13. That's still below the almost $74.00 a month we averaged in 2018, but I'd like it lower. Warren had a conference in NYC towards the end of the month, but his food expenses were picked up by the Symphony so do not count.

Now, about that Mayo trip. We head to Mayo again in February for my quarterly appointment. However, after my Mayo oncologist convinced my insurance company to authorize a rather costly exam (a PET CT), the insurance company demanded that the procedure take place before January 29, despite the fact I would be there in mid-February. Moving my February appointment to the test date in January was not an option for many reasons; staying longer in Rochester was not an option because I am in the middle of attendance season and had to get back, and Warren was balancing grants due at month's end with the League of American Orchestra's Midwinter Managers meeting in NYC. So we did a 40 hour marathon: Delaware to Madison for a short night's stay with family, then Madison to Mayo to Delaware the day of the test. (Total time spent off the road: about 12 hours. Maybe.) For a Mayo trip, it was low cost. Besides the food, we had car rental of $78.00 ($77.00 and change), the aforementioned eating out of $42.93, Mayo parking at $6.00, and gas purchases of $94.46. Grand total? $221.39 (Cheapest Mayo trip ever since we started driving rental cars to take the strain off of our personal vehicles. February will not be as cheap as we'll have a hotel rental in there as well, but if we can keep it under $350.00, I'll be pleased.)

The start of any year holds, of course, my out of pocket ($250.00) and insurance deductible ($1500.00) to meet. As I noted earlier, with the PET CT, my return trip to Mayo, and my infusion therapy every four weeks, I'll cross that goal probably by the end of February. Thanks to my frugal ways, I have the money to pay it. (Warren and I keep separate accounts; our only joint account is a travel account, which is a little anemic right now.) I just filed my 2018 taxes now (we file separately as well) and hope to get my refund to help pare those expenses before the country shuts down again (as threatened by POTUS).

Frugal twitches that saw me and our household through 2018 will continue. With rare exception, all of the books I read in 2018 came from our library, and that trend is already off and running strong in 2019. (I just finished the second massive volume of Sylvia Plath's letters; Volume One was book #17 last year and it is a nice piece of symmetry that I read the second and final volume at about the same time of year.) My clothing purchases, except for replacement shoes, will likely be near zero for the entire year. (Shoes are a larger expense because my advancing neuropathy pretty much limits me to a small expensive selection. Fortunately, they wear well, despite heavy use.) Amy just gifted me two skirts, so my wardrobe grew a little. (On the flip side of that, I have lost so much weight due to diabetes medication, changes in diet, and the cancer that I will probably donate to Goodwill a beloved but now way, way too large skirt that I have been holding up with a large safety pin in the waistband for months now.) I continue to belong to the No Spend Facebook group, now the 2019 No Spend Challenge group, which provides me with both support and laughs.

Life is good. And frugal.