It really is true. Your whole life changes the moment a physician says "you have cancer." Those of us who have been on the receiving end of that message can tell you the day it happened, what we were doing prior to the news, how the news was delivered, and what we felt immediately afterwards.
While that pronouncement changes your life forever, it also changes the lives of family and friends. Suddenly, they too are caught up in a medical disaster not of their own choosing. As one close friend emailed me upon hearing the news: "I don't know what to say. I'm stunned. Really stunned."
The news can also change the lives of not so close friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Homegrown cancer experts emerge from behind bushes and under rocks, all convinced that they and they alone know the true secret to curing you. While I was able to avoid or shrug off almost all of this misdirected "concern," every now and then someone would score a direct hit.
An acquaintance, upon learning the news that I had been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer (myeloma), called me at my office to talk about a nutritional regimen she wanted me to begin immediately. It was spartan vegan (to libel both Spartans and vegans everywhere), and revolved around my drinking wheatgrass juice on a daily basis, in ever increasing amounts, while subsisting on a limited number of carefully prepared vegetables.
She assured me this would cure my cancer and save my life. Starting that moment, she dramatically emphasized, there were to be "absolutely" no fats in my diet. "Cut them out!"
I interrupted her monologue to point out that I was in a catabolic stage and dropping weight fast. I was in the care of an oncologist. I needed fats.
She immediately enlightened me that my oncologist was keeping the cure from me to keep the medical establishment going and what I really needed was to start the wheatgrass juice immediately, with a daily all-veggie soup following that.
I had no interest in an all-veggie, wheatgrass juice diet and said so.
In the way that only someone who is convinced that they alone hold the one true key to your life is capable of doing, this individual kept going on and on about the diet I had to switch to that moment, ignoring my attempts to end the conversation. I had limited energy as it was and I wasn't about to let her consume any more of it. So I cut in (again) and said "I'm done talking." Even then she rattled on. So I finally hung up abruptly, something I have rarely done before or since.
Three days later, the same severely misguided individual called me back. Her tone was a little strained as she explained that she realized she had to respect my decision not to follow her suggestions and "follow the path" that was right for me. She acknowledged that I was "apparently committed" to following "some medical procedures;" this was said with a faintly disapproving and pitying air, as if I had made a poor choice in a moment of weakness. Then, with a firm edge to her words, she admonished me not to wait until all medical hope was gone before seeking her help as it "would be too late then!"
Well, THAT was a pick-me-up.
My response was swift and to the point. "Rest assured that if I get to the point where all medical hope is gone, I will not be drinking wheatgrass juice. Dom Perignon champagne, maybe, but not wheatgrass juice." And then I gently hung up the phone.
My A list ever since has been composed of friends I know will never ever serve me wheatgrass juice.
For those of you who are chronically ill or otherwise waylaid by one too many individuals practicing medicine without a license, this one is for you.
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